I need to forgive someone who doesn't know they hurt me.
My unforgiving attitude is hurting me more.
I also need to forgive myself for hurting me thus, for so long.

Now, with forgiveness in my heart (finally), I can move on, and leave the hurt and anger behind. I can move on to creative things, interesting things. Maybe, I can discover a new passion, now that the path is cleared. This is my path, my truth. My new way forward.

I just finished reading Everett Bogue's works; How to Live and Work Anywhere Minimalist Business, and The Story of Minimalist Freedom Success. I finished those last night, and went to sleep thinking about a lot of things. He certainly ignited something in my brain and heart. I was thinking mostly about The Void of which he wrote. It all sounded too familiar. I thought it was depression, which it may be, since I have been in The Void for quite a while. Of course The Void is a bit different for everyone. For me, getting there was quite different. I quit my own business. I  moved to another state. My husband provided for our financial needs. So not exactly the same as Everett explained it, but none the less, that is where I found myself. It is hard to leave a daily routine, one that I felt held purpose for me, that I was proud of. I found myself at a loss as to what to do. I have been an at home mom for 26 years. My youngest moved out right after we arrived in our new state. My middle still lives with us, but is quite independent. Yep, I am an empty nester. Let me tell you, it's not easy. Sounds great though, all the freedom, I can do whatever I want now. But what is that? I looked for 'jobs', ick. I looked at volunteering, but feel no connection. I think about re-starting my at home business, but feel no enthusiasm for it. I have moments when I feel intrigued about something, yet it doesn't stick with me long. I have lost focus, I have nothing to focus on. I have lost my mojo. I am in The Void.

I think I have been in The Void for so long because it was a long, hard road to even get here! I was emotionally exhausted when I arrived and it is taking some time to heal. I kept up the farm for 6 months, through the winter of 2010, while hubs went to work in SD. I dealt with a, let's say compromised, realtor, and keeping the house show ready. I suffered the loss of a mare and cat before I finally moved in late May. We went through a major downsizing. From a 12 acre horse farm in Ohio, to a 2 bedroom apartment. We had an auction for probably 2/3rds of our stuff. Even had to sell a couple of horses. Our farm was on the market for nearly a year, which we have finally rented, and hope to sell soon to our tenants. Paying our two, yes two, mortgages has been a very real challenge. Now we have some rental income, but it doesn't pay it all. We are about half way through our bankruptcy, and we have learned to live without credit. This has been tough, but I think the future is bright. Eventually, we will emerge from bankruptcy, we will sell the farm, and we will be debt free, and living with less.

So the past year + has been trying. Still, there are things to be thankful for:

• My husband of nearly 30 years.
• His new job. Which, in accepting it, started this whole change. We chose this. We needed it.
• My daughters that moved with us, and are finding their own life adventures here in South Dakota. They both have boyfriends already! One is going to school and the other is working and doing well in her job.
• My grandson, and another on the way (although they are 900 miles away).
• My Dad, who is sharp and healthy and 89 years old! Go Dad!
• My new town, Sioux Falls. I actually really like it here. Snow and all, but it's still early in the season, ask me in March!
• My apartment, with its wonderful conveniences (so different than farm life!).
• My old dog and house cat, that made the move with us.
• My two Curly Horses, which I board locally.

What I liked about Everett's writing, is that he explains how to go about getting out of The Void, as well as what it is. I recently purchased the Business Course and Minimalist Business was included. I have enjoyed reading some of the other books (and I'm not done yet), but Everett's seemed to strike a chord with me (hence this post). Much of the business side of things I already knew, but Everett injected the emotional side of things, exposing the underlying driving forces I think people need. I know I do. I actually had my first idea for a product while reading his work. So, thank you, Everett Bogue.

 

You can catch Everett on his blog Far Beyond the Stars. Or find him on Twitter @evbogue

(My timing is off yet again - This post is about my birthday bash back on August 7th)

Here are some views from my upper level deck at my new apartment. Just me and my dog and cat hanging out. I like the view. We get great sunsets here. Nice neighborhood, don't you think? I can see the Harrisburg water tower if I look South.    

Akk! I am falling behind on my blogging again! August is almost over and I haven't told about my birthday, the Pride event, or me coming out of hiatus and kicking my biz back into gear. So stay tuned kiddies for coming attractions:

pics of my birthday burlesque bash,

pics of the drag show at the Pride event and my perspective on things,

and more news about Office Key coming out of hiatus and its new focus!

Sorry I am not keeping up, guess I am having too much fun in Sioux Falls! (or maybe I am just procrastinating)

I am new in Sioux Falls. I don't work outside the home (apartment) and so have little interaction with other people. I am meeting new friends through work friends of my husband, and occasionally a conversation sparks up at a local pub, restaurant, or the dog park. I mentioned the cook out, and a few other events we have gone to. But this post is about my newest little friend I met at the pool today. Mariah. She was sweet, polite, and actually talked to me . She was probably around 7 years old. She asked me my name and she told me hers. She said the water must seem cold after I was in the hot tub. I said it was, but since I was hot from that, it felt good. I did my laps and headed out. She asked if I was leaving, and I said yes. As I went out the door she said "Bye Tina!" and I waved to her. Then I heard one of the other boys in the pool say in astonishment "You know her name??"   I think Mariah will have a friend filled life, and I hope she enjoys it very much!   I learned something from a little child today and made a new friend. If you are reading this... Welcome, what's your name? Mine is Tina.

I've enrolled in an online HTML5 and CSS3 course! I just hope it is not over my head. I have been away from site making for a little while so feel a bit rusty. The instructor is Australian, so should be very pleasant to listen to, at least (not bad looking either). Geeky fun!

I sit here tonight feeling rather sun kissed, and a bit tired. Good feeling.   Today we went to the Canton Car Show. It was a very lovely day. Sunny, upper 70's most of the day, into the 80's at the heat of the day. Nice breeze. Great day for the car show!